The Scale & Self Worth

I was prepared for a lot of things becoming a first time mom thanks to amazing friends sharing their experiences with me. What I wasn't prepared for was the mental load of seeing increasingly high numbers on the scale. One week before my son was born I weighed in at 175 pounds. As someone who is under five feet tall, seeing a number so close to 200 just put me into this dark place. I felt ashamed, disgusted, helpless... I felt like a failure. Never mind the fact that my body was performing a miracle, a miracle I had prayed about for years. But, I let those feelings get to me.

I would actively avoid looking at myself in the mirror. If our family wanted to take pictures, I would try to hide myself in the back. I would wear layers upon layers to try and hide my body. My self worth was tied to that number on the scale. It shouldn't have been...but it was.

Three months postpartum I was down to 151 pounds...without doing much of anything other than going on a walk every now and then and eating whatever was quick and easy. Six weeks ago I decided to put my health and wellbeing back on the priority list. I decided that the scale didn't matter anymore but what did matter were my mental state, my energy levels, my focus, and my ability to show up completely for my family.

So, I restarted the FASTer Way to Fat Loss program to kickstart my postpartum weight loss and mental reset journey.

I'm happy to report that today, I weighed in under 140 pounds. If I'm being honest, I never thought I'd see 1-3-something ever again. Did I follow the program perfectly? No. Did I workout every day? No. Did I eat exactly what was suggested? No. But, I did what I could. And that's what it's all about. Do what you can with where you're at and try to get a little better every day.

I also started focusing on things other than the number on the scale... I had more energy. I felt like I was getting more restful sleep. My clothes were fitting differently. I found that I could do more reps and even increase the weights I was using during workouts. My heart rate wasn't spiking as high. All these amazing things started happening. And those, those are the things that make me feel alive and happy.

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